I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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