and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
