I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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