At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
