Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
