she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
