ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
