Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
