I don't think brook has ever known best
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
