I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
look no pants
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
