You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
