She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
