If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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