I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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