i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
