hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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