Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
