Your dad touched me again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
