I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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