Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize