i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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