Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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