I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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