I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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