This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
