And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
