have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
