That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
