It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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