I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
