Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
