So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
