U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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