Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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