walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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