i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
