i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
