Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
