Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
