I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
