I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
