i wish starbucks made bloody marys
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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