He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is my gift to your gina
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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