she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
