I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
