I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
