Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
