She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
