She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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