Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
